Osho says it best, “Love is the mirror”. When you gaze into the eyes of another you not only see their soul but you see your own as well. When you fall in love with another, you are falling in love with yourself. I literally mean that in some way, we reflect back to one another parts of our self as if we are a mirror for one another’s growth.
These parts of self could be one’s that need to be loved or cared for. It could be aspects of self that want attention or healing, or that need to be accepted as they are. It might be unresolved anger, rage, disappointment, addictions, sadness, depression, mental illness, the list goes on. When we look at someone close to us we see a reflection of our own beliefs and struggles in life no matter how obvious or subtle they are.
When we choose love ourselves, we choose to be present for it. If we keep running from true intimacy with ourselves how will we ever nurture those relationships that matter the most? If having a relationship with another is something that scares us too much then maybe doing a little mirror work with yourself at home is a good start.
This last year I dedicated myself to being single and to date so I could reflect more on what I want in a partner and where I need to grow myself. In that process I continually kept coming across the same pattern. At first I would to fall into victim mode wondering why certain situations would happen to me, but then I remembered. In this process of dating I was being shown parts of myself that needed to be discovered so I could explore them more.
Mirror play, taught by Louise Hay, suggests that although it may not completely change you in 3 weeks, saying loving affirmations to yourself in the mirror for that amount of time will bring about positive results. When I was in school I was challenged to say loving affirmations to myself in the mirror. They asked us to kiss, hug and massage parts of our bodies while also looking in the mirror, making eye contact and saying positive things to ourselves.
What I found interesting in this exercise is where I felt the most uncomfortable, I felt that same discomfort with partners for years and always wondered why. I finally got to see that it wasn’t the people I had dated or partnered with that made me anxious, it was me and my own discomfort with being vulnerable. HUGE DISCOVERY! The more I did this exercise the more comfortable I got and now have an easier time accepting loving affirmations from those I connect with, what a change!
In my last blog I talked a little bit about having awareness. Well, to recap, awareness is when we watch everything, almost as if we are taking a step outside of ourselves to watch how we perceive the world around us. If we can step out of that victim role and become more curious we may begin to see the places where we can grow. It is there that we can take that opportunity to love ourselves even deeper.
Love is the mirror, love is when we can look at another and see ourselves. Love is unconditional, its accepts us all where we are. Love lets us live as we are and shines to us opportunities for growth and deeper intimacy. Love is our greatest potential and is limitless in what comfort it provides. Now it’s time to play a little, go look in that mirror, hug yourself and start saying ‘I love you’.
When someone says you have to love you first what does it actually mean? We are all faced with this question many times throughout our lives. I can recall many times even up to this day having family and friends tell me to love me first. Frustration comes into my being when people tell me this because I already think I love myself, until it comes into question, How am I loving me?
A dear friend, about 10 years ago, asked me to look in the mirror and say I love you. To my surprise, I couldn’t do it. When I looked in the mirror all I could see was pain, sadness and someone unworthy of love; I couldn’t look myself in the eyes and say, ‘I Love You.’ Instead, I cried. That started my journey to self care and self love.
How comfortable are we in our own skin? Can we say I love you while looking in the mirror? If we cannot love who is staring back at us in that mirror, then how can we expect anyone in our lives to show us love if we cannot do it for ourselves? The journey of self love is a very deeply intimate and introspective one. There will be many days much more challenging than others. The key is to remember to take one day at a time, and sometimes it may be one moment at a time if that’s easier.
Let’s get back to the question, “What does it mean to love me?” Well, for me on my journey It first started with me looking at how comfortable I was just being alone. I mean ALONE… not living with roommates, family or lovers, not even having an animal to buffer that silence. This also meant traveling alone.
When no one is around that is when we are truly in our own energy. This is when we can really check into that silence within and that is the space that we find all our answers. In those moments we get an opportunity to choose to get comfortable with those answers that dwell within us; this is also called intuition- we all have it.
For me, self love looks like taking myself on dates, going on adventures, doing things I would normally ask others to do with me, but doing them solo. It could be taking a painting class, going to a movie, a show, the bar, or taking yourself to dinner and going dancing after. I started with these things and at first it was extremely uncomfortable. The more I did things alone the more I cherished that time and found peace within myself.
Before long I was traveling across the country, just me and my car. I found myself going to big festivals like Burning Man, Lightning in A Bottle, and the Eclipse gathering in Oregon, all alone and loving it!
At this point I really enjoy doing things by myself. The more I say yes to experiencing new things with myself, the less uncomfortable I am just being myself out in the world. This isn’t to say we will overcome all insecurities no matter what we are faced with, but it does mean we begin to build the courage and resilience to walk right through the things that scare us most. Courage and resilience help us to step powerfully into ourselves in the places that once made us uncomfortable.
As my journey continues on my unique path of self love, self care also comes up as an aspect of loving myself. Self care could be as simple as preparing all my meals, nourishing my body with water, taking a bath, going for a walk in nature, having a meditation practice, going to yoga, the gym, or anything that provokes a healthier me.
Self care could be standing in your boundaries, making sure all your relationships are nourishing for your soul. It may be giving ourselves permission to leave a relationship that is not working. Maybe it’s just going to the doctor or dentist.
It could be one day a week to sleep in and shut off from all daily responsibilities. Whatever encourages nourishment is how I define self care for myself. I find it essential to my well being. We have to be 100% centered before we can love anyone else romantically or to be of service to another.
In conclusion, putting ourselves first is crucial to self love. If we walk around continually pleasing others at the cost of our own happiness and health, how are we loving ourselves? Loving ourselves means always living in integrity with the morals and values we choose for our self.
“Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” ― Jalaluddin Rumi
One way of looking at spiritually evolved partnerships is to know immediately that it surpasses egoic needs and/or conversations that focus on the negative or dramatic aspects of life. These types of relationships are not bad, however they are not signs that you are in a spiritually evolved one.
The focus in these intentional relationships lives in the higher mind and the key question to ask is “how can I serve for the highest and best of all?” It looks like being the witness and constantly lifting one another up by mirroring back higher mind.
Imagine yourself in the back seat of your car watching yourself drive. This is what it means to be the witness. You are watching yourself go through your day to day, emotions and all, without allowing yourself to be consumed by what is going on around and inside of you. Being in higher mind means you have to be in a place where you are willing to be exceptionally vulnerable, open, intimate, and honest with one another.
1. It is not based on romance or sex
Most of the time when we connect with another we immediately are focused on the attraction and what the other person can do to fulfill our desires. We create a fantasy idea of how we want the other person to be for us emotionally, romantically, and sexually. This makes us human and does not make us wrong! However, if you are striving for a spiritually evolved relationship, this is an example of not being in our higher mind; this is living more in our ego. When living in our higher mind we will think more like “How can I serve for the highest and best of all?” Always putting divine order before lustful desires.
2. We are focused on evolving personally and spiritually
When entering into an evolved relatedness with someone it is best to ask yourself “How can I become a better person for myself and others?” There will be more of a focus on the relationship with yourself and divine service first. You will be more authentic, vulnerable, open, honest, transparent, and have a deeper intimacy in this way with no boundaries to one another’s growth. You will be assisting your partner by being a mirror on an evolutionary journey together. Watching them grow and serve in their own unique way while also doing the same for yourself is ideal. You truly become egoless in this manner of relating with another.
You will know when you have reached this point when you both allow each other to grow independently, with confidence, meaning you let the drama go; in this new light you will both find yourselves shedding old patterns and old dramas. It will feel uncomfortable at first because it is new, but that’s how you know you are doing the work!
3. We recognize we have egos and we are not perfect
The idea here is that both partners would recognize that they are merely human and will makes errors. Allowing one another to make those errors without judgment or taking things personal is key. It is about holding ourselves and each other accountable for coming back to our higher mind. The only way this is possible is if both parties want this and have agreed to assist one another in this process. It will take commitment, trust and accountability.
We will not meet in our limitations, fears or doubts. We will not focus on how we are failing to show up, or be complaining to one another all the time about what isn’t working for him or her. It isn’t about boasting, comparing, or belittling one another, or focusing on the negatives with a ‘what can you do for me?’ attitude. Relating in this way is to be avoided completely. This deep intimate relationship will push you out of the norm and encourage you to be the best version of you for the betterment of yourself and everyone you will serve in your life.
In conclusion, the idea here is to be the witness for one another. Continuously aim to stay in higher mind. Be the witness to how we are interacting in our worlds. Constantly strive for growth. Take responsibility, and be accountable for all actions and look to evolve in every way possible. This is a mature and spiritually evolved relationship, one that will keep you asking, “How can I serve for the highest and best of all?”
We are vibrational beings and our frequency, whether high or low, determines our overall health and well being. We are walking electromagnetic fields that attract the same frequency to us, from people to health. We are constantly sending out vibrational waves of emotions which create our reality. Most of the time we are bombarded with a consistent undertone of low frequencies which cause a lot of us unnecessary stress, worry, fear and guilt. As vibrational beings we can maintain high frequency through dance.
It follows that, when we are feeling good we are riding on a high frequency which will continually attract more of the same. This frequency attracts all the joy, love and happiness, and furthermore, creates an age reversal effect by reducing stress. Stress ages us and creates illness over en extended period of time.
Vibration is defined as sound. Our moods, thoughts, and words all create a resonance that attract our high or low frequencies. When thoughts of guilt, worry, and fear creep in it is a fact that we will create and perceive all of those negative situations and emotions until we can change the frequency to that of a higher one. We are electromagnetic and have the capacity to bring forth to us whatever we want or desire. We do this by controlling the feelings that come from our thoughts.
Dance improves overall brain function, which directly improves our moods and thoughts. It stimulates us, reducing stress and turning on our feel good hormone, serotonin. Dance creates a clear mental state through a trance like process that can transcend pain and stress. It encourages physical balance, cognitive skills, visual recognition, decision making and strengthens long term memory functions. To retain these positive high frequency benefits, research suggests practicing dance once a week.
In conclusion, through dance we have the power to explore and express our emotions in a healthy way. This allows us to shift our realities and well being for the better. As vibrational beings, dance is a way of keeping us in a higher frequency of love, joy and happiness. Through dance we are magnetizing that higher frequency back into our lives and inviting all the goodness that comes along with it.
The time is now to be your most authentic you. Not the you that you think you need to be for other people, but the you that has been calling you since you got the first notion of it. We all like to pretend that we do not hear this inner guidance of truth. You deny the calling, or maybe think you cannot live up to it, what ever the reason more often than not, that calling is ignored. Have you ever noticed that when you ignore this calling how you may feel or what may happen in your life?
It is when we ignore the call that not so great things begin to happen. Our emotions get the best of us, we blame outer circumstance or people for the negative happenings in our life. We become angry, depressed, and feel a need to indulge in time/life sucking activities. Making excuses for not accepting the call keep us locked in this unhealthy way of being. What would it take to experience joy? Did you know it is possible to experience unlimited joy?
When you get home at night after a long day at work how do you feel? Drained? Empty? Tired? Unsatisfied? You might be someone who has figured out how to follow your bliss into a life that keeps you inspired and joyful, but if not, what do you turn to after an unsatisfying day?
That feeling of emptiness or lack of motivation directs you to your favorite time sucking activity. Endless hours of your favorite T.V show, video games, over eating, surfing the web and social media, going to the bar and so on. These soft addictions suck your energy reserves and have you looking back at the clock only to have lost hours of your day or night. Are you actually happy after all those hours? What have you actually accomplished? How do you expect to be happy when you fill that space with these time suckers?
These habits are quick fixes to happiness, or fill in the blank when you are bored, but what about accomplishing the little things that take you to a blissful state that brings unlimited joy? We are born pure and blissful. The environment we grow up in can stifle that joyband bring in negative beliefs about the world we live in. Over the course of our life we are continually influenced by others around us which determines our state of well being.
I want to talk about bliss. What is bliss and how can we attain it?
Bliss is a state of BEING that brings overall peace, happiness, and well being into your life. It is a much calmer and easier way of being, it is how things should be for us. Bliss comes from listening to your inner guidance, some call it God, Goddess, spirit, or intuition. What ever you call it, it is the still small voice within that calls for you to follow the guidance to ultimate bliss. When you experience bliss your heart is full and completely satisfied. Your desire for wanting more or for indulging in things that do not serve you goes away because you are living in truth. You know you are in a state of bliss once you have tapped into that calling and begin pursuing the path.
Imagine what life could be like if you followed your bliss. What if you stopped planning your life away and began listening? What would it take for you to follow this guidance? What needs to change in your daily habits to assist you in reaching your blissful state? Only you have this answer and no one else can find that truth better than you can.
The path to God (good orderly direction) is not always easy because we have habitually chosen to ignore that direction for a long time. However, it is never too late to answer the call, and what is a journey without some resistance and challenges along the way. This is your story….Your destiny is awaiting… are you ready to accept the call?
After my last blog I have taken some time out to really think about what it is I am doing. How I am offering a unique niche to the already over loaded hair, beauty, and holistic wellness industry. Everyday on Instagram and Facebook, we see so many photos/videos of beauty and talent across the globe. I love this community we are building online and why not add to the current of information. We are all assisting each other as artists and our community are our biggest fans! WOW what a change! People celebrating art and beauty! Now let’s do it with even more consciousness and respect for ourselves and each other.
I have decided to throw myself in the mix and see what happens. Utilizing my new skill as a Transformational Life Coach who loves adventures and traveling, in combination with my 10 years in the beauty industry, I have defined my niche. It goes something like this,
Your Transformational Beauty Coach & Holistic Wellness Practitioner. Perfecting internal and external magnificence for every person who seeks personal growth through alternative healing and creative expression. I will travel to cities through out the world, stopping at different salons to offer hair transformations and coaching services to those who seek them.
Did I mention how much I also love road trips, driving is my favorite way to clear my mind. It has been a while since I made any journey and I am about ready to spread my wings again, now that I have my home base in L.A. I will be coming back up the coast of California this summer, serving San Luis Obispo, The Bay area, and Humboldt County. There are a couple other places that are on my bucket list this summer which I will announce if all goes that way.
During this time I will also be attending different workshops and studios for dance and Aerial Arts for my own personal fascination with art, dance, and community. Dance is an art and a very intimate and spiritual experience for me. It is the other part of me that must be expressed. When I do not move my body, my whole life becomes stagnant, it’s pretty real. My heart, body and soul is boundless in my expression and exploration of body movement.
My goal is to video blog my entire journey everywhere I go and take pictures of my creative work, dance and adventures. I will share my inspirations with clients and the salons I work with. Perhaps if given the opportunity I could coach salon teams to assist them in functioning at their best as individuals and together.
As I had explained before it has been a long time now that I have dreamed about traveling around the world, inspiring new trends of awakening through the creative expression from the transformation of your own life. Imagine having your own personal beauty/wellness coach supporting you through change near and far! I could make my rounds a few times a year for your hair needs, all while maintaining our coaching relationship through the internet connection.
2016 is proving to be a year that pushes us to be creative with how we market ourselves as an entrepreneur. I want to see us continue to build each other up and support each individual success that we all achieve. I look at a few different stylists for example who truly inspire me to keep moving forward with my vision.
A special shout out to Rebecca Taylor and Guy Tang for your smiles, laughs, amazing talents, team work and to all the traveling and teaching you do! Larisa Love (Cosmo Prof Brand Ambassador) Watching you grow in the last couple of years has been amazing to see, way to go, keep shining! I also follow what is happening at the Butterfly Loft in Encino, Ca. I honor their growth in the independent community that has been created there. They still manage a team environment although everyone is independent. I see you all on Instagram, FB and Youtube, I love all the classes, workshops and media you have put together and how excited you all are to share your insights with everyone. Thank you for sharing and inspiring us all!
Life Coach’s who really inspire me are Trent Shelton and Tony Robbins, their words of encouragement are always uplifting and full of truth. They are both very passionate and forward about personal growth and what it takes. I love how they share their stories and how they overcame them to be the person they are today. I aspire to be a combination of these coaches and hair artists.
Trent Shelton says “Keep Moving Forward”. I had this expression on my license plate in one of the hardest years of my life to date. It is truth, keep moving forward, it is the only thing that will bring to you peace of heart and mind. It can bring the very things you desire, whether it is emotionally or physically. Just keep up the vision and your momentum, how you want your life to be is up to you for the most part. The divine has a way of intervening when it is time, and even then, keep moving forward. There is no more fight when you keep moving through things with awareness, it becomes a way of life and it is in our nature to keep growing.
My Vision is to;
Create A Global Conscious Community through the Art of Deep Inner work and Creative Expression.
Will you join me in this vision? If you are a salon needing assistance with your team or just a client interested in having this unique Beauty & Wellness Coaching service, book with me today!
I start my first trip in July, through the Central Coast all the way through the Northern Coast of California. If you have had a service with me before and want one again let me know!
Contact all your friends and let them know what I am offering. All referrals will get a special something from me!
Please share this blog with your friends if it inspires you.
April 2014 I decided to move back to California, this time I had a plan. I am going to stop right there and say that if you do not have a back up plan for your plan you could be in for a messy ride. I basically went from thriving somewhat back in New England to down right falling on my butt on the central coast of Cali. I would say that this was my rock bottom. I made a choice to move to pursue my hair career differently and my plans fell apart. I pretty much said well, while you are in California you might as well try L.A, seeing as it is my dream and all.
I began working at another salon in an area I wanted to settle in. I was happy for the first few months, then slowly more drama, more clickiness, more employees depressed and unhappy and all of a sudden my inner truth started pouring out. I was not happy and was in a unhappy working environment and it was draining the life out of me. I also began to recognize that this has happened at each salon I have worked at with the exception of a couple. I realized it was time.
I decided to leave the salon world and go back to school for an Associates Degree in Mind Body Transformational Psychology, this was in September 2015. I wanted to go into this about 10 years ago and for some reason I just wasn’t ready for it. Maybe it was because I was afraid to see my truth, or I didn’t have enough experience to coach others. All that tie gone by and I would be lying if I didn’t say that after starting over so many times in the hair industry I am really tired and a little frustrated.
Here I am starting over again in L.A working hard to make my dreams real. I am dedicated to getting this degree and I have focus to change my career path. Along this next year and a half I will have gained many certifications, diploma and a degree which means I will be utilizing these tools as a part of my services as I go along.
I have graduated from my Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy classes. The first 6 months of schooling was all of that plus some comparative religion, Prayer therapy, and universal law classes all of which I am so fascinated with and look forward to coaching others towards their own personal transformation.
Yes I am still working in a salon its just very part time. I am pondering a lot of possibilities right now, especially with my newly acquired skills. The choice to go back to school has been the best thing for my own personal growth. I am not so sure why I was scared to take a look at myself, there was nothing bad to see, all I see is untapped and unlimited potential just waiting to be released. I am strong, confident and talented. I have many skills to offer to help you find your inner graces, as I have found mine through a lot of these same tools.
I have found my purpose through these last 6 months of school and after many years of serving the public I have found that I am the,
“Cultivator of internal magnificence.”
I want to take on Life Coaching and hypnotherapy as my new career. I have come a long way in the last 6 months, and I can only imagine what else is possible? I can take clients near and far! The beauty of this new career path is that i can travel and it will not affect my business, if anything I will continue to grow and expand as I reach new heights in my new path.
I am all about having a lifestyle that works for me and not letting work be my lifestyle and this is what I am going after. Naturally I want to be your guide through your own transformations.
How many times does it take a young child to take their first steps? How many times do they fall and get up? Did they ever give up despite all the strive, struggle and sometimes pain? NO!
That being said I am not giving up, I am putting hair to the side for now and am perfecting my niche so I can promote what I have to offer the world properly and with the right intention. I am going to bring back intimacy, connection and community through personal growth.
It really goes back to connection. How we are connecting with each other in the world is how we interact with ourselves. Lately we have all been face down in technology…. Yes it has its purpose, but it also has its time and place. TIME TO FACE UP PEOPLE!! Face up to who you are and where you are headed and get real with yourself.
It took me 10 years to get real with myself and I look at this as another chance to go after what my deepest desire was 10 years ago. That is to help those who are feeling lost to gain direction and a sense of purpose. I am ready to take on this new role… Be on the look out for new social media content from me….
Our road trip from Florida to California was the most beautiful road trip I had ever been on. I saw things in the landscapes that I had never seen before. Driving, I love driving, there is something about the open road and that speed that makes you feel so free. I spent a lot of time thinking on that ride, that is in between our banter on walky talky’s. Gary had his daughter and her boyfriend at the time, come along with us for the ride. We had 5 people 3 cars, a uhaul and one dog, safe to say we had a caravan.
From West Palm Beach, Florida, all the way to Arcata, California. Once we got to the top of Florida we hoped on Route 20 and went through all the southern states and through Texas until we got to New Mexico. We began traveling up into Arizona. This was the first time I ever saw the Grand Canyon as well. Wow what an expereince, it looks just like a painted picture.
After spending a day at the grand canyon and night in Flagstaff, Arizona we began driving. Through Vegas and up Ca Rt. 99. We then cut across this beautiful mountain pass road Rt. 299 and were finally in this Fern Gully of a place called Arcata. This was by far the most beautiful place I had ever chosen to live. Arcata, Ca sandwiched between the mountains, the ocean and bountiful life in the Redwood National Forest. It was a magical place. The weather was temperate all of the time, misty and mystical.
Now, when we first arrived, it was just Gary, Kali and I with the dog at a hotel 6 for about a week. In that time frame I got a job working for the first time as a booth renter in a salon. It was the cheapest rent I would ever find for a month and the place was busy. It was just off of the square, which was the main spot for this college town. Humboldt State University, known for its marine biology, oceanogrophy programs, foresry, permaculture and much more. This was a hippie/nerd hub and I fit right in!
Within that same week Gary Kali and I found a home to live. It was perfect for all of our needs. I began working all of the time. I knew I had much to pay them and I was saving to get my own place to live. In a short 4 months I was able to save enough to get this perfect little studio. I loved it there, it was attached to this family’s garage and completely separate from them. I had my own parking spot, entrance and fenced yeard, I was thrilled to find this place at the same rate as what I was paying my friends for a room. I was single and having total privacy was just what I needed.
At this point of my life it was the first week of January in 2010. Six years ago have gone by in a flash! I spent from ages 23-26 in Humboldt county. I met one woman who is still one of my amazing friends. She single handedly promoted me to the point where I could hardly handle my own book! I loved where I lived, and I loved my clients.
Before I got really busy I spent a lot of time alone. I would go to Yoga 2 times a week, and then I began dancing with Kali. She was always into dance, yoga and meditation. I really looked up to her then and I still do to this day. She inspired me to grow and become a gracefully spiritual and creative woman. Naturally following her lead I began American Tribal Style belly dancing, I fell in love right away. I was doing yoga 2 times a week and now dancing 2 times a week and performing.
I grew into myself. I became a great dancer who performed all the time, I made many friends very quickly, and had a thriving business. My home life was perfect, I lived only 2 miles from the beach. There were moments when I dated and it just didn’t work out. I was still a mess inside. Going out with friends and staying social was the way I was back then. I didnt need much sleep, I would go play and then work hard, and go play again. I balanced it with dancing and yoga and much time in nature as I couldn’t avoid it at all.
We are now about a year into this expereince. And I get offered to go to Burning Man with a person I was dating at the time and their friends. I bought a ticket after learning about how cool it would be. Its in August so I had plenty of time to prepare. Around the time I bought this ticket I also went to my first Lady Gaga show, her Monster Ball tour and it was on her 25th birthday! I lost my mind over this show. I should mention Lady Gaga is my biggest inspiration as an artist.
A couple months later I went to Burning Man by myself, yep alone…. my man and I parted ways and I still wanted to go, so I did. The most mind blowing experiene of my life, it completely changed me. It had beautiful moments of release and connection. Art and smiling faces were everywhere. Amazing structures are built and then burned down by the end of the week so much heart and hard work going into this, so much love and appreciation everywhere, dancing and laughing. I recommend anyone to go at any age.
I came back from Burning Man changed. Things were getting uncomfortable at work again and I really did not want to be there at all anymore. My passion to serve others had left me. I had to work on myself now. By this time I had already been spoken to by the owner and another stylist. They claimed my work was not up to par and I needed to step it up or consider if this is what I want to be doing. It was embarassing. They did it in front of the other stylists as well. I was really struggling with my confidence as a stylist at this point. I felt bullied, mnisunderstood and quickly burnt out at every salon I had ever worked at aside from 1.
I was not finding my happiness with my work, friends, or party’s, “Maybe this place isn’t for me” I thought to myself one night as people danced around me. It was that night I made the choice to let go of the life style I was living, my job and my apartment! I was ready to journey again. I got a storage unit and began to live out of my car.
My dreams of L.A were crushed by others opinions about it, I didn’t feel I had the talent to make it (due to people telling me I wasn’t good enough) and I was so over worked that I couldn’t even be excited to go into a salon anymore. I really believed that this was the end of the beauty industry for me.
The next 2 years of my life was a roller coaster. My traveling bug got out of control and and I drove across the country 4 times within those two years. Back and forth from East to West, not being able to make up my mind or even understand my direction. I let so many people’s views hinder my insights and talents that I literally just stopped working all together.
Most of my friends had it together by 25 and here I was still struggling to figure out who I am and what the heck I was doing with my life! 25-28 were my hardest years. I hit rock bottom mentally and emotionally. I been climbing back up ever since.
This has not been the easiest journey and no one said it would be. All you can do is keep preservering through the hardest times. You learn to be able to humble yourself enough to ask for help when you need it, and the most amazing part is I have always had what I needed. Not once was I homeless, or had a lack of food. Everything I have done I chose and when things didn’t work out, I just went back home to NH. Being a gypsy at that time was hard, the lifestyle was not ideal and I had the most challenging and experiences. People I have met along the way have blown my mind good and bad. For as many of us that talk about how bad the world is, I expereinced more good. Yes I was tested from time to time and I would take those moments and learn from them and when I look back I can see people are generally good natured.
I find it is easier to go through life accepting everyone as they are, even when they are seemingly rude, there is always something behind that for them. I have learned to be curious about others and ask more questions. I have gained so much respect for strangers because so many have helped me along the way. Whether it was a home for the night or kind words, maybe even a meal. There are more people of light on this planet than there is dark. If we continue to see others as light, our world will change quickly for the better.
The work starts with you first and if you cannot do the inner work, no matter where you go, you will never be satisfied. I speak from my own expereinces, my way may is NOT THE way, it is A way of understanding that we are all beings of light having a human experince.
I am here as an awakened one, learning just as much as you all are and I want to help inspire you all on your journey!
It has been a while since my last post. My weeks have gotten very busy all of a sudden with work, school, dance, house hunting and holidays! I am excited to be taking ownership of my life. I learned a lot in my twenties and its now all piecing together in the right ways. It’s blowing my mind how things are falling into place so easily. I am so grateful to have made the choice to move to L.A and go back to school. It feels so right. I know I am meant to share workshops on connection, intimacy and creative expression. I am in the prepping stages of that now and will be for the next couple of years. By the time I am done with school in 2017, I will have achieved an associates degree in Mind Body Transformation Psychology. Transformation station!!
Now lets go back to the story for a moment. So much had happened that first year I had chosen to go to Florida, and it was not very positive. Trials and tribulations with work relationships and relationships at home, then to top it off I was still grieving the death of my boyfriend. We had so much built together, I couldn’t shake it, that heavy feeling in my chest, I was so depressed that I decided to go back home and live with mom again. This will be the first time I had lived with her in 3 years. Now we are in August of 2007.
I found a salon job an hour away from home. Ironically enough, this chain of salons in NH, was owned by the son of the other salon owner in Florida!! I had the opportunity to speak with the owner of the Florida salon and apologized for how things ended. It was too hard to explain to him and I didn’t want to bother him with how mean some of the girls were to me. I had my closure.
I carried on for another year in NH at this chain of salons. I learned a lot in that time. It was required of us before working at that chain, to go to th advanced academy for 4 weeks. The education there really helped me gain basic techniques I needed for foiling and for haircuts. I finished that training easily and moved on to the job. After working there for some time celebrity stylist Michael Shaun Corby came to the salon and trained us for 4 weeks on cutting and styling. These were really great experiences and I felt it powered me up to be an awesome stylist.
I eventually got itchy feet again and decided to try Florida one last time. I was off again, August 2008, back to the same area, and same salon I had left which was great. There were monthly trainings with with Redken and Pureology. At one point we had Ken Paves sign onto the salon, it was around the time him and Jessica Simpson were really big with the Hairdo Pieces. Once he signed his name to our salon for that year, we blew up fast. Everyone wanted their hair done by Ken and bought the clip in hair extensions like crazy. Ken and his manager are really very talented and fun people to know and work with, no wonder the energy was out the roof!
We did hair for many fashion shows one with Ken but mostly without. It was all promotional. I also participated in a photo shoot for the owner who was opening another location in Vegas at the time. All of these happenings were great experiences for my career and I was really happy with this salon. I was making good money, I was kind of feeling better emotionally, or at least occupied by friends every night
At one point things got weird at work. Our paychecks were not coming on time, we lost our payroll company and all of our health care benefits as employees. There was even a rumor that Ken was not signing again for the next year. I was so discouraged by all of this talk, and rumor, this light that I though was in my life now, was dimming again. All of my friends were leaving that salon, I trusted them and decided to leave the salon with them. We all headed over to another salon that had just recently reopened its doors, hoping that clients would follow and all was good. I look back now and think, that was naïve of me, and at the same time, I am glad I left that salon.
Business was really bad for me at the time, I wasn’t sure of my next step. I was living with my dearest friends who were supporting my situation. At that time. A couple months into my new job, my friend told me they were leaving for California. They were going to drive across the country to a little town called Arcata Ca. And build a home together. I was so happy for them and at the same time immediately concerned for my survival in Florida. After hearing this news my heart sank. The economy in Florida was horrible, business was not good and I was only making 150 a week. I was not thriving like I had imagined I would.
California had been on my list of places to go, I even debated moving there instead of Florida again. I always imagined L.A and what it would be like. I knew that Arcata was opposite of L.A but I felt it was the perfect opportunity to try on California, see if I even like it. Especially to go with people I trusted and cared for dearly, it felt safe for me. I thought for a while and then asked if I could go along with them. I got their permission to tag along with them and under new agreements to contribute, this way we are all helping each other. I was able to take my very first journey across the country with them. Although this was not my first road trip, it was my first road trip across the country and I was really excited.
This next chapter of my life, moving to and seeing California for the first time, was the peak of my twenties. My heart lives here in California. The draw to move was really strong and scary as hell. I was only a days drive away from New Hampshire and my family, now I was moving to Northern California 5-7 days of driving or 12 hours of travel time flying home. I couldn’t believe I was about to leap across the country with $400.00, my car, and my most loyal friends Gary and Kali. I hold such a huge place in my heart for you both. I love you and thank you for everything you both have done for me. I gained some experience being in Florida, and with those friends of mine I felt strong enough to move across the country. It was time to spread my wings and fly towards my visions.
It has taken me a long time to get to L.A. Now that I am here I am warm, happy and working hard. The journey here has not been a very easy one and I continue to chug along, making baby steps towards a bigger goal. IN the mean time I will continue to share my story with you all.
I went to beauty school in New Hampshire December of 2005 and finished in June 2006 with a cosmetology diploma and license. The journey through school was a bitter sweet one. I found a passion of mine that I didn’t even know I had and lost something very important in my life at that time.
I moved out of my parents shortly after my high school graduation and turning 18 and began living with my boyfriend at the time. I started massage therapy, which I never finished. Then I decided to check out this beauty school that I was told about, just to see if I liked it. I found a huge interest and with a guarantee of getting my money back in 30 days if I don’t like it, I had nothing to lose.
Turns out I fell in love with hair on orientation day, that was it for me. My boyfriends and I were great support for one another through these times and nothing could break our friendship. We had plans to move to Florida together after I was done with school. We knew we wanted to get married and naturally wanted to start somewhere new together. Since I was 15 I had dreamed of moving to Florida after a visit to my uncles house with my cousin, I was very excited that it was becoming a reality.
Towards the end of school year there was a student hair fashion show and I entered the show as a contestant. My boyfriend and his family were all on their way to join the fun, and the unexpected happened. After waiting for him and the family for far too long, I new something wasn’t right, no one was answering their phones all afternoon. I got news from his sister, she came to get me and told me that both my boyfriend (her brother) and his nephew (her son) were killed in a car accident earlier that day. I couldn’t believe what I had heard and instantly felt sick.
So many questions in my head started popping up “What? What is happening? Is this even real?” On top of these questions I had this pit in my stomach that I just couldn’t shake. I was full of anxiety and so heart broken. My life had taken a very unexpected turn, all of the plans I thought I had with my boyfriend were now a memory of something of the past and I had to move forward. I couldn’t even bare days of silence as it was too hard to keep my attention on the pain I was feeling inside so I chose to go back to school. I went back to school 2 weeks after the accident. It was the only thing that would distract me enough to keep moving forward. The art of it held me in a peaceful meditative state that I needed to be in.
It was weird going back to school no one treated me that same anymore. I just kept telling myself I had only 2 months left, and I was going to leave New England all together. There was this rotating class that I had to sit in on until a certain amount of hours until I could attend their advanced color education training classes. I was right on the brink of those hours and had good grades and attendance. Every day that I had to sit and wait was torture. I couldn’t focus and was very uncomfortable around everyone, as no one but one friend spoke to me. It was so strange how everyone treated me, it was like no one knew what to do or say so they just avoided me all together.
I went to the superintendents office one day and spoke with her about my situation and how I was ready to move on from that class. Once she reviewed my grades, attendance, and hours, she awarded me with being able to attend “The Advanced Color Room”. I was so grateful for this class. I was finally able to focus on learning more about color, and advanced hair designs. It kept me so occupied and fulfilled creatively. We also took clients on a daily basis. It was this class that kept me in a positive mind set through the rest school, I am forever grateful. I graduated in June of 2006, turned 20 in July and had been saving money to move.
Shortly after my birthday I decided to move to Florida for the first time. I had the support of my family and one person who I hardly knew and had to learn to build a relationship with while living in Florida together. I had arranged with the owner of the beauty school I went to, to work at his salon in Pompano Beach, Florida. I remember feeling so honored and beyond excited to work at this salon in Florida, the place I always wanted to live and doing the thing I love most, hair.
Once I got to Florida it was quite a shock, I moved only 5 months after my boyfriend and nephew had passed. Everything at this point of my life felt so surreal. It was almost as if I could trace the outside of each leaf as it was blowing in the wind, while listening to the conversations 100 yards in front of me. Awareness that I never knew I had in me, all of sudden appeared and this curiosity was asking so many questions about death. This experienced changed my whole perception of life all together. Having all of this new insight made it really hard to interact with anyone my age or even anyone new.
After working at this salon for 6 months, my clientele was building quickly and I was happy working. I experienced hardship at work with some employees. When the manager would leave, there was one stylist that would pick on me. Others had their off judgement and opinions of me and expressed them openly, I felt bullied at times and unwanted there. This was not a very welcoming group. I was put on the floor immediately, no one provided me internship or anything, which was really scary and I made a lot of mistakes.
I held my own for a while, until I had my last straw with this one woman in particular. She seemed to love picking on me and bossing me around when the manager wasn’t there. One day she took it too far and really made a scene in front of a client I was working with for the first time, she was a walk in. I was not next on the rotation but the girl who was gave this client to me. The bully stylist made a scene yelled at me inside and outside to the point where I gave the client back to the other girl. The woman yet again yelled at me for making the choice to give the client back. I was so disgruntled, and emotional from this experience that I just left. Work wasn’t fun anymore.
I decided that day that I would start looking for another salon. Once the manager caught wind of this idea of mine, she very quickly gave me my severance pay and cut me loose the same day she found out. I was horrified I had no idea what to say to her so I packed up and left in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed, mad, and scared all over again. Just when I was getting comfortable, the ground had to shake.
Taking on another unexpected turn, I followed through with my original goal and found another salon to work for. In no time at all I was in a high-end salon and in good graces with the owner and fellow stylists. It was much better than the last salon I was in. The only person I had trouble with there was the head of the hair department, but I paid no mind to her. I didn’t stay at this salon for too long. I made it in Florida for 1 year total and had to go back to New Hampshire. I was home sick and more things had happened in my personal life during that time. I needed my family and people who treat me with respect.
At this point of my life it was August of 2007. I was back in New Hampshire at my parents house doing my best to cope with all of the emotions I had been dealing with all on my own in Florida. I sought out some help from a spiritual counselor in New Hampshire and began to find some peace. I was 21, very lost, heart broken, confused, depressed and doing my best to find my way through this life with my new awareness (new sight). I had changed and I had to explore it. This is when my journey to self realization began.